All I Know

The song of the day is "All I Know" by Art Garfunkel.


I had forgotten about this song and how beautiful I think it is until last week when I was re-watching season 2 of Nip/Tuck (before they ruined it in season 3 with the stupid plot line about The Carver and it hasn't been the same since). But I digress...

I realize that I haven't been around much lately. At first it was because I bought a home. I had to move all my stuff, get the place painted, and buy a couple of pieces of new furniture. One of these days, I'll even get around to posting some before and after pictures.

So that was a fun distraction for awhile. It helped me forget (temporarily) about the loss of a friendship that became apparent at the end of July. I was so busy with real estate and loan paperwork, and then with my home improvements that the pain from this loss got pushed aside.

But now that I've settled in to my new place, it's returned with a vengeance.

And on top of that, work has been extra unpleasant. One of my co-workers took a month-long European vacation, so that meant I was even more overwhelmed than usual. Also, I was passed over for a promotion and didn't even get an email to inform me. I found out about it when the new person's name started showing up in the computer. It really sucks.

Anyway, I've lost more than my fair share of friendships since I stopped believing in/attending the LDS Church. It hurt like hell, but what helped me get through it was the fact that I was never really "myself" with these people. They didn't know or like the "real me" (the one who stopped going to church), they only seemed to like an idea of me that reflected well on them; a person who seemed to share their beliefs and at least sort of fit in. Once it became apparent that I no longer conformed to that image, they dropped me. And even though being treated like that feels shitty, I understand it. I've been dealing with people who act that way all my life.

But I don't understand how I lost "Elliot."

I was almost always 100% myself when I talked to him, and he seemed to still like me anyway. Even though he lived on the other side of the world, he was one of my best friends, and sometimes I felt closer to him than the people I see every day. He seemed to "get me" more than they do.

We were friends for almost 4 years, until one day I guess he just decided he was bored of me, and I never heard from him again. No more emails, phone calls or postcards. Nothing. I really don't understand what makes someone change their mind about someone else like that.

Without him in my life, even on the periphery, everything feels mediocre. No matter what I accomplish, it feels like second place. My house and everything else I have feels like a consolation prize. Even though he was never really "with" me, there is a silence without him that's unbearable.

As the song says:
"Endings always come too fast
They come too fast, but they pass too slow"

So that's why it's been 3 months since I've written anything. Both personally and professionally, my life has been pretty unpleasant. I felt like the only things I had to blog about were way too depressing, and it looks like I was correct...

Happy Birthday to me

So I am 29 today. Bleh. I think that after age 21, birthdays start to get less and less enjoyable.

This cheered me up, though:

Since everyone in my life knows that I am totally obsessed with Lost, one of my co-workers left this Dharma Initiative labeled food on my desk. I thought it was hilarious.

The tuna label even has nutrition facts.

If you'd like to print your own Dharma labels, you can go to this site. Too funny.

Even though getting older sucks, at least this birthday will be memorable. This is the year I bought myself a house (ok, a condo) for my birthday.

Today was the day I signed all the paperwork for the purchase, and I am now the property of my mortgage company. J

The realtors knew it was my birthday, so they brought cute cupcakes from a nearby bakery. I signed a frightening number of documents, and now I am a homeowner. Hooray!

Maybe I should print a bunch of Dharma labels for all my food, and in my new house I can pretend I am Desmond in the hatch.

Some of the walls are currently a similar color to those in the hatch. But not for long.

So now begins the process of moving and painting.

The search is over

After a long search, I have finally found a condo to buy. The price was right, I like the area, and the unit seems clean and nice. I am not in love with the red and brown paint the current owner has selected for the walls, but paint is easy to fix, right?

I am having it inspected on Monday, and the closing date is in the first week of September. I was hoping to be able to spend my birthday in a new home, but I will miss it by a few days. Oh well.

I'm pretty nervous about signing my life away to the mortgage company, but I guess it will be better than paying rent. And the place will be all mine to redecorate however I want. Hooray!

I have already started packing boxes (I forgot how much crap I have). I think the new place will be a great chance to make a "new start," which is something I really need right now.

I have promised myself that in the new place, I will keep things clean and organized from the start, rather than letting everything go to hell like I have in my apartment.

As I was going through my art supplies and packing them, I decided that once I'm moved into my new home, I will paint and draw more, as well as practice my other hobbies, like playing the guitar. I may as well, because I will no longer have any money to go out and do anything. ;)

So hopefully the inspection will be ok, and everything else will work out. Can anyone recommend a good, reasonably priced painter in the SLC, UT area?

All Good Things

The song of the day is "All Good Things" by the Weepies.

The 80's were awesome

Case in point:


The song of the day is "Break My Stride" by Matthew Wilder.

The only thing I don't love about this video is when the host interrupts the middle of the song. The rest of it couldn't be more awesome: Mr. Wilder's 80's fro hair, his Luigi from Mario Brothers 'stache, the leather pants; and of course, those dancers.

The clip is from a fabulous TV show called Solid Gold, where some of the most popular bands and singers of the 80's would perform thier hit songs. According to my mother, I really enjoyed this show as a child, and it worried her--especially how much I liked Cyndi Lauper and her crazy orange hair, LOL.

I was born in 1980, and sometimes I wish I'd been born sooner so I could've properly enjoyed that decade, but on the other hand, I don't want to be older than I am...

So, thank the FSM for the Internet and YouTube!

A drawing

I was extra bored on Sunday so I decided to haul out my art supplies and draw/paint something.

This is a picture of the funny puppets from an episode of Life On Mars (UK). Sorry about the scan quality—the original is much better, I promise. J It's watercolor and prisma pencil on watercolor paper.

Here's the picture I drew it from:

And here's the clip with the puppets:

Everywhere

I had forgotten about today's song until I heard a crappy re-mix of it on the CD that was playing in the exercise class I attended earlier this evening.

Please enjoy "Everywhere" by Fleetwood Mac.